Yesterday, after my evening class, I spent some time with someone who is probably the biggest boost to my self-esteem than anyone I know. She always seems happy to see me and wants to know what's been happening in my life. She also thinks that the things I do are amazing. She does all this without being condescending nor does she have pretended interest in me. I have never been around anyone else who, without trying, helps me see myself in a whole new perspective. And, I'm pretty sure she has no clue she does this!! She has been like this for about as long as I've known her (over 20 years) so I know she is genuine- the real thing. There are very few people in the world who have the abilities she does to help others feel their self-worth.
We took our kids on a hike that was not the easiest to do. We were both out of shape and had agreed to take it slow. Our kids zipped ahead of us with no problem, leaving us to make our own pace match our goal of doing this with as little pain as possible. I did have an advantage over my friend in that I have been somewhat active for the last few months and she had not. She was worried she wouldn't make it to our destination. I reminded her that making it to the top was not our agreed upon goal, but rather going as far as we felt we could was the desired outcome. She continued to worry that she was holding me back and was grateful that I stayed by her side. When we got as far as she felt she could go, she prepared for me to leave her and finish the hike. I told her I wasn't going to leave her alone and that I was content to stay with her. She was grateful and we continued our conversations until the kids came back our way and we headed home.
So, what's the point of telling you that story? Simply this: Having genuine friends and being a genuine friend can be a huge factor in whether or not we can overcome our negative feelings and experiences. Friends who are really interested in each other, their successes and failures, their needs and desires, their joys and pains, can help share one another's burdens. Having someone you can open up to and share the things in your life without fear of offending or being judged, can help ground you or help you soar to higher places. In true friendship, there is a bit of give, a bit of take, a bit of time, a bit of forgiveness, and a whole lot of just listening with interest. True friends want to see each other succeed in all areas of their lives.
Through my experiences of fighting my battle, I've realized that my relationships with others had a huge affect on my self-worth. Little things like a smile from a coworker, a hug from my son, or a kiss from my husband, made all the difference to how my day, and sometimes my week, went. An email or a text or a comment on my FB from just about anyone helped me remember that I wasn't totally alone. I've come to cherish those little reminders from others that I have some value to them. This in turn helped me to change my thinking about my value to myself.
Through this whole battle of mine, I have felt so alone and I'm sure most others fighting their battles in this war, feel the same way- completely alone. Sometimes, we push the people who would help us away. A true friend wouldn't give up, though. A true friend would stay by that person and check to make sure they aren't getting lost in the battle.
One of the most important things anyone can do for a person fighting this horrible battle of depression is to be their friend, like my friend, a genuine friend. Let your friend know how much you care for them, but also remember the little things. A smile, a wave, a laugh, an ear for a minute, a note, a quick text. These are the things that will give your friend a boost. An extra weapon to use in the fight.
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